Bernie Sanders, Tulsi Gabbard, America’s veterans and supporters provided logistical and political help to over 450 Native American tribes who camped out at Standing Rock in North Dakota, protesting against Big Oil and calling for clean water and a clean environment.
Now imagine, while this was happening, Elizabeth Warren and Hillary Clinton were having tea at Hillary’s Chappaqua, NY home, discussing future plans.
Liz Warren: Hillary, I really should have gone to Standing Rock.
Hillary Clinton: Oh, don’t worry about it, Elizabeth. The natives are always restless. This will pass and be over soon. Would you like more tea?
Liz Warren: Sure. But Bernie and Tulsi are supporting the tribes. Don’t you think I should also?
Hillary Clinton: Oh, nonsense. You’re supporting my campaign and we don’t wanna disrupt our donor who are behind the pipeline. Trudeau’s got it all handled on the Canadian side, and his people will be helpful to us. Once we’re in office everyone will be so proud. We’ll do lots of good things together, Elizabeth.
Liz Warren: I know. You’re right!
Hillary Clinton: You realize you’re on my short list for vice president, do you not?
Liz Warren: Really?
Hillary Clinton: Yes, you are. But if the ticket doesn’t work due to the geography of you being a New Englander, I’m certain we can instead make you a cabinet secretary. You’ll head your own department of government and this will line you nicely in case you decide to run for president. We’ll also make a deal with Massachusetts Governor Baker to arrange for young Joe Kennedy to fill your US senate seat. It’s the perfect plan!
Liz Warren: That’d be great! Yes, I think Baker actually would go along with that. Plus, bring back the Kennedys would be great for the future of the party.
Hillary Clinton: It’s all in the pedigree, darling. It’s all in the pedigree! Speaking of the party, I also need you to help me keep in check the Sanders campaign. I need you to start speaking as progressively as possible in order to help sway influence over the progressives. I’ll need their support against Trump. He’s gonna get the GOP nomination. But when I’m nominated there’s probably gonna be lots of angry Bernie bros. Your progressive posturing can help me hold the party together so we can beat Trump.
Liz Warren: Yes, there will be some resentment, Hillary. But I think I can help you on that.
Hillary Clinton: Very good. I’ll also need you to remain silent when we begin launching our attacks on Bernie. We’re gonna label him sexist and racist, and this will help with the New York primary. I can’t afford to lose my home state.
Liz Warren: I understand. I feel sorry for Bernie. But I won’t interfere with that.
Hillary Clinton: By the way, I want to especially thank you for not early on endorsing Bernie even though I know there was lots of pressure on you. Your refusal to endorse him helped me to squeak out the Iowa, Nevada and Massachusetts wins. Had I lost those states my campaign would have been finished.
Liz Warren: You’re welcome.
Hillary Clinton: More tea, Elizabeth?
Liz Warren: Sure. By the way, that’s a lovely teapot you’ve got there, Hillary.
Hillary Clinton: Thank you. It was a gift from someone very important. But I can’t tell you who gave it to me.
Liz Warren: (giggles) I know what you mean. I have gifts like that also.